THE KEYRING THAT IS GOING PLACES

You have to go there to come back. I don’t know what this means but it’s a solid way of beginning any product description. This is a key ring. You are here because you’re interested in purchasing this key ring. On the front of it, it says “Hummus”. And on the back of it, it says “It’s going places!” On both sides there is a lovely picture of some hummus. This is basically going to be the ultimate icebreaker at parties. I don’t know how. Apparently all these “products” need some sort of “blurb” and it’s really frustrating to have to “write” things so that we can “sell” things.

Oh well. I happen to think this key ring is cool in the sense that it’s enigmatic and esoteric enough that people will be like “that’s interesting” and you’ll be like “heard of James Veitch” and they’ll be like, “no, he’s not mainstream yet because he hasn’t got a netflix special” and you’ll be like, “netflix is overrated” and they’ll be like, “yeah but he should have a special there. I mean loads of comedians have them. It’s sort of a right of passage.” And then you’ll part ways because of a fundamental disagreement but you’ll have your keyring so it won’t matter.